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GABE: Angel in heaven, male, short. He is sarcastic and cynical. And even though he is in heaven, he is still somewhat pessimistic. Has given up on trying to make his after “life” purposeful. MIKE: Angel, friends with GABE. Very optimistic and bouncy. He becomes excited easily, even over little things. Not a very sarcastic person, and therefore can take sarcasm the wrong way at times. Taller then GABE. A very physical person, jumpy. MIKE stands center stage, flailing his arms forward try to make lightning strike. He does this for some time with great physicality. GABE sits comfortably stage right watching MIKE, knowing nothing will come of his attempts, and is silently growing annoyed. MIKE: (noticing that GABE is watching him) It’s not as easy as it looks. GABE: (sarcastic) Real easy. (MIKE continues to try) GABE: What are – MIKE: Third time’s a charm. |
(GABE rolls his eyes, then relaxes again. GABE has given up looking for things to do, but MIKE has not. MIKE finds a ball and begins to bounce it. Imagines there are 2 seconds on the clock and he has the ball. Looks at GABE periodically, hoping for a reaction. Finds a hoola hoop, attempts to hoola, yet is unable to. He gives up after trial and error and searches once again. GABE is beginning to fall asleep. MIKE finds a golf club and Wiffle balls. He begins to hit them, and they all fly towards GABE, waking him up.) GABE: Will you – Find something to do. Then sit down and do it. MIKE: I am trying. GABE: Just decide. MIKE: I could…no. How about…no. GABE: MIKE! |
| MIKE:
Gaaaabe. GABE: WHAT? MIKE: I don’t want to just sit around. GABE: Then don’t MIKE: Well, there’s nothing to do (Pause) MIKE: Man! GABE: You’re an angel; you can do almost anything you want. MIKE: I don’t want to do it alone. GABE: If I do something with you, would you leave me alone after we do it? MIKE: (excited) Ok, ok, ok, what do you want to do? GABE: I don’t know, what do you want to do? MIKE: I don’t know, what do you want to do? GABE: You decide. MIKE: Well, what do you want to do? GABE: I don’t want to start this again, just pick something. |
(MIKE searches
pulling out random games, i.e. Parcheesi, Chutes and Ladders, Candyland,
etc., until he finally pulls out the Game of Life, looks at it for
a moment, looks up at GABE, then at the game again.) MIKE: No cheating! |
| GABE:
(smirk) Right. Of course not. MIKE: Well… basically you get a career, get married, have kids, and buy a house. The stuff you did when you were alive. GABE: (sarcastically) Yippee. Ok, so let’s start MIKE: Do you want to start off with college or do you want to skip it? GABE: Skip it. MIKE: Are you sure? GABE: Yeah. MIKE: You could use the education. (GABE just looks at MIKE.) MIKE: I’m just saying. You might need something to fall back on. GABE: What do I need school for? My car going those extra spaces isn’t really going to make me smarter. MIKE: I am just saying it would be smarter to go to college first. GABE: Not necessarily. What if I get a really good job and make millions? MIKE: Not everyone is that lucky. |
| (GABE looking
at MIKE) MIKE: Well, I’m going to college. I’m not going to make that mistake again. (Pause) GABE: Gosh, fine! Put me through college. MIKE: Major? GABE: Does it say that? It doesn’t say that. MIKE: I’m just curious. Do you want the same one you had, or do you want to change it up? GABE: Who cares? MIKE: I’m going to major in ceramics. Ooo, I hope I get the artist card. I already have the name “Michael”…. Angel…Michelangelo. You have to have a major. GABE: Just put me as undecided. MIKE: Ok. GABE: How do we start? MIKE: Well, you have to spin this spinny thing with the numbers. Here, I’ll go first. (MIKE spins and moves) |
| MIKE:
2. One, two…. buy books and supplies, 5,000…. Wait, I
don’t have any money. (Silence, as they both think). GABE: See, that’s what happens when you go to college. You become poor. MIKE: I’m struggling now, but you’ll see. GABE: (laughs) Oh, will I? MIKE: Just help me out here. How do I pay for these? GABE: Just take it. MIKE: Take it? GABE: Yeah, just take it. MIKE: Oooo, you mean STEAL it. GABE: Well, yeah. You have no money. MIKE: But steal? GABE: Yes, watch. (Takes money) MIKE: (grabbing the money back) Stop that. That’s illegal… and wrong. In heaven, of all places. GABE: What can happen? A policeman is not going to come in here and arrest me. |
| MIKE:
Will you just do this right? GABE: Ok, fine. So how do you pay for that then? MIKE: (looking at the directions) Oh, I forgot, we are supposed to take out a loan. GABE: Great. Do you even know how to play? MIKE: Well, how hard can it be? GABE: How hard was it when you were alive? MIKE: Good point. Let me scan the directions. (Grabs directions. Reads to himself, making audible sounds and noises as he does so. Taking his time. Gabe grows silently annoyed. Mike senses this and continues to take his time.) GABE: Ok. Get on with it. (MIKE continues to read, sounds are slightly more intense) GABE: MIKE! MIKE: Ok. So this is basically how it goes. We each get a car, and we can either go to college or start a career. We’ve done that. If we go to college, we take out a loan. We’ll do that now. (Gets loan cards out) Then we keep spinning, and moving as if moving through life. Each time we land on a square we do what it says. We only stop for the area entitled “Stop”—that’s to choose a career, to buy a house, and to get married. Got it. Small details we can deal with when we get to it. |
| (GABE spins) GABE: 3 Life. Make new friends. Will you look at that? I am making friends. MIKE: See, what’d I tell ya. (MIKE spins) MIKE: 5. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5. Spring break. Pay 5, 000. GABE: Spring break already? MIKE: Yep GABE: Must be the accelerated program. (GABE spins) MIKE: 7 GABE: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7. Graduation day. Look at that a degree in undecided! Your turn. (MIKE spins) MIKE: Stop. Ok, now I pick a career. Take these nine cards and shuffle them. Then I’ll pick three, and decide from those three. (GABE shuffles the cards. MIKE picks three) |
| MIKE:
(Disappointed) Computer Consultant, Police Officer, Accountant. Police Officer. (GABE spins) GABE: Career (MIKE shuffles. GABE picks three.) MIKE: Teacher, Athlete, Artist. GABE: Teacher. MIKE: What grade? GABE: Eh. . high school. MIKE: In what? GABE: (laughs) Well, my degree is in undecided. MIKE: You can teach phys ed. (Pause) Can I trade mine in for an artist? I really want to be an artist. GABE: Isn’t that against the rules? MIKE: Well yes, but. . . GABE: (Seeing how disappointed MIKE is) I think we can overlook the rules this once. |
| MIKE:
Really? GABE: Yeah MIKE: ALL RIGHT!! (The excitement reenters MIKE’s face instantly) MIKE: Oh, I almost forgot. Salary Cards. Pick one. (They both pick one. MIKE spins.) MIKE: 9… flat tire. Miss next turn. (GABE spins) GABE: 4. Birthday party MIKE: Wow, I didn’t know it was your birthday! (MIKE Is singing “Happy Birthday” as GABE speaks his next line.) GABE: Stop that. Stop. You know my birthday’s March 28. Knock…. Knock it off. It’s not my birthday. MIKE: It says right there… look “Birthday Party.” GABE: My turn again. MIKE: Oh, no ya don’t. It’s your birthday, and we are celebrating. What do you want to do? |
| GABE:
I want to spin the spinner. MIKE: Really. Where do you want to go? I can fix you dinner. We can watch a movie. You know, like earthly stuff. GABE: Mike, let’s just play the game. Plus we’re dead, so it’s kind of pointless celebrating my birthday. MIKE: It’s never pointless. We aren’t continuing until you tell me what you want for your day of birth. GABE: I want to play the Game of Life. MIKE: All right, fine. GABE: My turn. MIKE: WHAT?? GABE: You lost your turn, remember? MIKE: Oh, yeah. (GABE spins) GABE: 8 MIKE: Get married! Here is your husband. GABE: Thanks… wait, husband? |
| MIKE:
Yeah. GABE: Husband? MIKE: Yes. GABE: You mean wife. MIKE: No, you’re a girl. You marry the boy. GABE: I’ve been a girl this entire time? MIKE: Yes. Pink…. girl. Blue… boy. Simple. GABE: I don’t want to be a girl. MIKE: No, you can’t change now. GABE: Why not? MIKE: You can’t just change your sex. You were born that way. GABE: I think you are taking this game a little too seriously. MIKE: My turn. GABE: No. This is stupid. Just give me the blue guy. MIKE: We are not bending the rules just so you can have your way. GABE: Whoa, whoa, whoa, didn’t we bend the rules for you in the beginning? |
| MIKE:
(instantly) No. GABE: Yes, we did! MIKE: When? GABE: With your career, remember? I let you be the artist. MIKE: But that’s different. GABE: How? MIKE: You get to choose your career. You can’t choose your sex. GABE: But. . . (realizing he has a point) Ok. MIKE: Ok, well here is your husband. (Chuckling, almost under his breath) Now maybe you’ll get some. GABE: Ok, that’s not funny. MIKE: Lighten up. (Laughs) I’m just kidding. GABE: Just give me the wife. MIKE: Nope. Here is your husband. Take it and get over it. (Looking GABE in the eye, mockingly and slightly over- dramatic) You need to accept yourself for who you are. (GABE just glares at MIKE) |
| MIKE:
Ok, I’m sorry. I’m just playing around. Just
take your husband. GABE: All right. Fine. But for the record, I am not pleased with this. (MIKE hands him his blue peg, and gives himself a pink one) GABE: (After the fact) Why didn’t you tell me I was a girl? MIKE: I thought you knew. GABE: No. MIKE: I’m sorry. GABE: It’s okay. I would have just like to have known. MIKE: Your turn. (GABE spins and moves. MIKE spins and moves. GABE spins and moves. MIKE spins and moves.) GABE: Buy a house. Pick 3. MIKE: Farmhouse. Cozy condo. Tudor… I want the condo. It’s not much, but the others are too much. I don’t want to risk it. I have to save for the kids’ education. (GABE spins, quickly chooses his house. MIKE spins) MIKE: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9. |
| (Gabe spins) Gabe: 8 MIKE: Congratulations. Twins. GABE: (unenthusiastic) Yippee. MIKE: Don’t you think that’s exciting? GABE: Sure. MIKE: TWINS! (Sees no reaction.) A boy and a girl!! GABE: They are miniature plastic people, Mike. MIKE: You should be proud. You have two beautiful children. I always wish I had kids. (Pause) I hope I can now. GABE: You can’t actually have kids. One, you’re a man, two, you’re dead, and three, it’s a flippin game (MIKE is trying not to let GABE ruin his fantasy. Ignoring Gabe’s reality.) MIKE: So when you raise your kids, or when they go to school, or whatever, what are you gonna teach them? What kind of values do you want them to have? GABE: It’s just a game. Look, they are just little pegs. MIKE: Just answer my question. please. |
| GABE:
Mike. It’s not going to make a difference- MIKE: Everything makes a difference. GABE: Not this, Mike. It’s not going to move me ahead any spaces. MIKE: Will You Just Answer The Question? GABE: No! It’s not real. I won’t do it. MIKE: Make it real. GABE: Why? What’s the point? It’s NOT real. Look (Takes peg and throws it, chews on the head, swallows it, whatever. Something to demonstrate that it’s not real.) MIKE: It’ll make a difference to me GABE: No. No. No. It wouldn’t. How? Tell me how! MIKE: It’ll make it real. GABE: That’s just it. It’s a game. This isn’t real life. Do you see any “falls off bike” or “grandma dies” on the board? No. We lived our real life. MIKE: (Almost begging) Please, Gabe. Do this for me. Just answer the question. It’s a simple question about raising your kids. Couldn’t just pretend for me? GABE: I could. But what is pretending going to do? Nothing! This is a game, not real life. You lived real life, and you were murdered. Shot point-blank right here. (Points to forehead of MIKE. Mike pushes his hand away). |
| MIKE:
Don’t touch me. GABE: It’s true. Am I lying? MIKE: You got to live your life. I was killed at 18. I never married. I never had kids. I barely graduated high school. I didn’t even have a chance to go to college! Why was that taken from me? Do you expect me to just sit here, and not think about what could have been, what degree I might have gotten? How it would have felt to stand next to the woman I love and say I do, to feel her belly when she’s pregnant, to stay up worrying with her at 3 o’clock in the morning because the baby won’t sleep. To argue about whether the toilet seat should be up or down. You had that. You had two beautiful daughters and a wife you loved more then anything. GABE: (painful for him to hear) Oh, God. (Pause) MIKE: Do you remember when your daughter was born? GABE: (not angry) Come on, Mike. Don’t ask me that. MIKE: I- GABE: (Hurt) God, Mike, why did you have to ask me that? MIKE: You and I were best friends, and I wanted to be you and have the things you had. Look at your life, 30 with a wife and daughter. God, Gabe, I just want to know what it’s like to live. GABE: I don’t want to- |
| MIKE:
You just don’t understand GABE: (intense) I don’t understand? How do I not understand? Was I not standing right next to you? Did I not watch that bullet pass straight through you head and splatter your blood all over my face? I watched you die, then stand there and watch the f---er turn his gun from your forehead to mine. MIKE: I know Mike. I know. Stop- GABE: No, you listen to me. MIKE: I know all this, Mike. I’ve heard it, please sto- GABE: I saw that bullet in slow motion shatter everything I have worked my entire life to get. One moment you and I are laughing and talking. The next moment it’s all over. That bullet twisted into my head. I felt it settle and poison everything I thought to be real. None of it was real after that. It was nothing tangible. Nothing I could ever feel again. My wife. My daughter. Diminished to a mere memory. (Long pause) GABE: You want to know what it’s like to live? MIKE: Yeah. GABE: This game can’t do it. Look at the board. This is a GAME; all of this is a game. We play and we play and we play. Mike, you can’t exist like this. MIKE: Like what? |
| GABE:
Like THIS. MIKE: You know what, can we just play the game? GABE: You can’t play this game anymore. MIKE: What can’t I do? GABE: You can’t play this game anymore, and neither can I. It’s done. MIKE: Yes, we can! You said it yourself, it’s just a game. GABE: It’s too real for us now. MIKE: I- GABE: You can exist this way Mike. . . MIKE: You can’t? WHY NOT? GABE: (raised voice) DON’T YOU SEE. LOOK. LOOK. IT’S GONE. THERE IS NOTHING LEFT. Nothing left. (Pause) Fine, take your fairy tale. (Gabe exits as he says his last line. MIKE is alone on stage, still. He stares at the game and lives his illusion for longer. Example, he may take the car and drive it around the board, or have the people talk to each other. Nothing overly funny, nothing that will bring the audience's focus away from GABE’s last line. MIKE suddenly stands. Takes the board and throws it. Picks up his artist card and rips it in half and watches and he drops it from his hand. He stands there and stares at it, extremely hurt. Possibly crying. He exits.) CURTAIN |
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