Manliness Aaron White Sometimes a guy needs to do something manly. I'm not exactly sure what manly things are, but I assume they involve things like lifting heavy things, drinking beer, and reading truck enthusiast magazines.

In my understanding of manliness however, the manliest thing there is is sports. And of all the sports, the most manly of all is football. I'm talking American football, where you use your hands. Not that wussy game that foreigners (the entire world besides the U.S.) play, but full on, full contact, throwing the ol' pigskin, football.

Before I continue, I need to let you know that my entire understanding of what it means to be a man is based on the song "I'll make a man out of you," sung by Donny Osmond in the hit Disney animated feature "Mulan".

So, football. Those of you who know me well, or even kind of know me, are aware of the fact that I have zero skill when it comes to sports. I stink. And, honestly, I'm okay with that. I hope that my chances of one day aren't predicated on my ability to throw and catch a piece of fabric filled with air. That said, I wanted the football experience. I wanted to fall in slow motion into the mud. I wanted to pour Gatorade over my sweaty body as I screamed, no, grunted into the air. None of this happened. Apparently, football to me is standing in front of a guy, and counting 'ten alligators' while everyone runs around and does stuff which I don't fully understand, and no one wants to explain to me.

And you know what? That's okay. I don't care that I not good at sports. I wanted to play football and I did. I was manly. My favorite part was the trash talking. I tried to contribute by telling my friend Clark that his mother was a woman of questionable character.

And yes, I learned something. I learned that if you want to motivate a guy to tackle his brother, you should yell "Your brother stole your cookies! He stole your cookies!"